Monday, August 9, 2010

To Breathe or not to Breathe

There is a knot in my chest: a physical manifestation of my anxiety and depression. I am doing all that I know to loosen and untangle the knot, but the process is going very slowly. There are times I get it to a point where I hardly feel the knot at all. Unfortunately, no matter how long I am able to keep the knot at bay it is able to rebuild itself very quickly, sometimes within minutes, and it enjoys building upon itself.

Honestly I have so many things to be thankful for lately that it is sometimes hard to understand why the knot is there at all. Between my predisposition to the knot and the reoccurring triggers of disliking my day job and chiseling apart my self-esteem while applying for new jobs, it builds and tightens and distracts from all of the amazing things going on in my life.

Sometimes those old clichés have a golden nugget of truth, so here I go counting my blessings.

First of all is my family. I have a wonderful loving family who typically understands me and the things going on in my head better than I give them credit for. Adam is perfect for me. He is ever the problem-solver, comforter, and provider that I need. I am also very thankful that one of my sisters, Ellie, is able to spend a semester living with us. I am so excited to see how much she has grown up and that I can be the good big sister every girl wants. Also, my puppies are awesome, especially when they are calm and sleeping near me like they are now.

Another thing I am grateful for is the possibly career pushing article that Aarik Danielsen wrote about me and my art in the Columbia Tribune. If you have not yet had a chance to take a look at it, check it out at He did an amazing job taking an hour of my ramblings and molding it into a professional article I was very proud to see written about me.

I have many other blessings, but I think I shall stop for now before I bore you too much and since the purpose of me writing this, which was to relieve the pain of the knot, was successful.

So remember when your knot is tightening and feeling like it is going to overwhelm you, take a moment to breathe and think of at least one thing in your life that you are grateful for.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010


I was at a church service recently where the opening speaker mentioned how Jesus regularly used the phrase "peace be with you." I think it was a nice touch since we were talking about the fruit of the spirit of peace that week, but she left out the important aspect of context. Peace be with you was not a saying that Jesus started Himself: it was ingrained in His Jewish culture in the word "shalom."

According to Wikipedia, shalom has multiple meanings and can be used in many different ways. Shalom means peace, completeness, welfare or well-being, and can be used as both a greeting and a farewell. I am sure that in cultures that use and value the word and its depth, the meaning gets lost in its continuous use: just like Americans don't think twice about asking "how are you doing" without expecting an honest answer.

I am considering whether I want to adopt the word into my regular vocabulary. I would like for it to be there as a reminder to me of what I deeply hope that others experience. Maybe if I consciously incorporate it into my greetings or farewells it will help me be more aware of how my actions play a role in the peace and well-being of those around me. But despite my good intentions and the core of the word, I am not sure how it would be accepted in a culture that is often xenophobic and ignorant.

For now I think I will start out small. I will keep it as my word and as a word I use for those close to me and those whom I believe would understand its meaning.

So now I close this post saying may the peace, well-being, and completeness of God be with you.


I woke up a half hour before my alarm and prompted myself to get up with the thoughts of being productive and taking some time to reflect. An hour later, when I really need to be getting ready for work, I am finally starting to type. The internet is a wondrous place with more distractions than I could ever imagine. Tonight Adam is going to be out with some friends being a very excitable dork. Hopefully I will be able to focus a little better and finally untangle some of the randomness going on in my head.

I will offer one preview of one of the many things that has happened in the last year.

Friday, July 16, 2010

One step, two step...

Haven't had time to sit and reflect the past few days. Life is not like a whirlwind right now, just that it is full of lots of little things so that I am constantly putting one foot in front of the other to try and keep up. I would like to sit and type for a while to understand all the randomness that is floating inside my skull. But the feet keep moving. Now it is time for dinner. Next it will be time for celebratory drinks with friends. Then sleep. Then work.

Well time to go so that I don't get left behind. Soon I will have to stop and write for a while.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It has been a while

It has been a little while since I posted anything on here. Honestly, I had almost forgotten it existed. But I recently finished a few new pieces and put them in the Columbia Art League members show, so I decided I should be a good little artist and start this back up again.

I was going to post more, but I got completely distracted by the new design features on this blogger and my husband showing me random internet videos. I will have to get back to this tomorrow and write more about the show and what has been going on over the past year.

Till next time,