Monday, August 9, 2010

To Breathe or not to Breathe

There is a knot in my chest: a physical manifestation of my anxiety and depression. I am doing all that I know to loosen and untangle the knot, but the process is going very slowly. There are times I get it to a point where I hardly feel the knot at all. Unfortunately, no matter how long I am able to keep the knot at bay it is able to rebuild itself very quickly, sometimes within minutes, and it enjoys building upon itself.

Honestly I have so many things to be thankful for lately that it is sometimes hard to understand why the knot is there at all. Between my predisposition to the knot and the reoccurring triggers of disliking my day job and chiseling apart my self-esteem while applying for new jobs, it builds and tightens and distracts from all of the amazing things going on in my life.

Sometimes those old clichés have a golden nugget of truth, so here I go counting my blessings.

First of all is my family. I have a wonderful loving family who typically understands me and the things going on in my head better than I give them credit for. Adam is perfect for me. He is ever the problem-solver, comforter, and provider that I need. I am also very thankful that one of my sisters, Ellie, is able to spend a semester living with us. I am so excited to see how much she has grown up and that I can be the good big sister every girl wants. Also, my puppies are awesome, especially when they are calm and sleeping near me like they are now.

Another thing I am grateful for is the possibly career pushing article that Aarik Danielsen wrote about me and my art in the Columbia Tribune. If you have not yet had a chance to take a look at it, check it out at He did an amazing job taking an hour of my ramblings and molding it into a professional article I was very proud to see written about me.

I have many other blessings, but I think I shall stop for now before I bore you too much and since the purpose of me writing this, which was to relieve the pain of the knot, was successful.

So remember when your knot is tightening and feeling like it is going to overwhelm you, take a moment to breathe and think of at least one thing in your life that you are grateful for.


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